Two minor victories in my writing week: got second place at Fantasy-Writers.org and passed the first round for Amazon ABNA. I almost feel like a real writer.
On the dark side of the moon, I'm reading the first couple chapters of my novel and thinking - oh wow, I wish I'd written that differently. Too late now. Let's say my truly wild and wonderful dreams come true, do I want those words to be associated with my name?
There are these boring, stilted, overly wordy words and *I* sent them out in the world with *my* name associated with them. NOO!!
This month, when I'm not reading and commenting, I'm working on a story about an inter-dimensional love affair. It's coming out flat, unnecessarily tangled and boring - and I don't believe it. I don't care if I think it sucks though. Come February 28th I'll still submit it.
Like with anything in life, there is that point where it just has to be good enough. The submission deadline comes. You realize - okay, time to hit send, to put that manuscript in the mail, to say "I do."
It will never be perfect. I'll never be absolutely certain. But I have to act as if I were ready, have to pretend like I know what the hell I'm doing. Because otherwise, maybe books would be written, stories would be told, by some other, hypothetical person. But, they would never been written or told by me.
And this is what I really want to do. To be a writer. I wonder if famous, New York Time bestseller authors ever feel this way, agonizing over their word-choice from their summer home near the beach. I could live with that.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Dear Anne,
I can so relate with your words! I've never won a second place in any writing competition, though, so in a way I'm way behind you.
I think the writer's worst critic is... himself. It always happens. I've heard of very famous writers who burned most of their creations because they weren't satisfied with them. So you're not alone.
The point is, we're growing in this. And you'll grow more as you practice, and the more you can disconnect that inner critic, I think, the more you'll grow. Because all that critic can do is say you're no good...
Anne, I missed the deadline, so I'm not even in the contest. I'm so jealous I could die! Heartfelt congratulations. I'll just live vicariously through you. :D
Post a Comment